I didn't always celebrate Father's Day but now I do

About six months after my parents divorced my father moved out of the state. First he headed to Georgia and than to Arkansas. I didn't see him again until his mother passed away. That was around 1999. Five years with no physical contact. No child support. No alimony for my mom. 

It was a strange time for me. I grew as "daddy's little girl," but then the man I called dad was no longer there to support my sister or I.

There was a lot I didn't understand about my parents relationship and the varying events that eventually led to the demise of their marriage. I didn't have the full picture and it took a lot of years to get it. At the time it wouldn't have mattered because I had to adjust to my new normal - mom filling the role of mom and dad. It was a difficult transition for everyone. We all resented my father for many years. From high school until my late 30s I didn't celebrate have a reason to celebrate Father's Day. The man I was fond of as a child had lost my love and respect. While he wrote me letters, I felt they were either filled with broken promises or gibberish. Overtime I stopped reading.

It was hard to see some of my friends have close relationships with their father's. Often filled with envy and jealousy wishing I had what they did. Over the year's I even questioned if it was my fault. It wasn't, but there's always a need to try to find answers.

Family reunion in Arkansas, April 2018.

Due to the lack of a relationship with my dad I didn't think I was ever going to get married. I didn't  trust men. Even when I met a great guy who was the complete opposite of my father I struggled to trust him. I had to confront those issues and I did. I ended up marrying the great guy. Shout out to Karim. He helped me realize how my "daddy issues" had negatively effected other areas of my life. 

Time doesn't heal all wounds if you don't make an effort to forgive and let the past be in the past. Four years ago  I came full circle and forgave my Kenneth Miller. With the help of my cousin Wes I reconnected with him. Last April, with my family in tow we drove down to Arkansas for an unconventional family reunion. I wanted him to meet his grand kids. Looking back, I believe it was a healing moment for all us. We came together and turned a negative into a positive. That's a beautiful thing.

Zak watching Baba fix his bike.

My children will have a different relationship with their dad. I'm very grateful for that. For many years I didn't think I had a reason to celebrate Father's Day, but now I do. Happy Father's Day!